We All Love A Hard On Joke

We have put together the best stiffy jokes we can find for your enjoyment. We all know someone that has taken the little blue pill, whether it be for experimental reasons to see what it will do. Or those who have to take it to get it up due to medical reasons like watching too much content from Niche Porn Sites. To even those men who have had a few too many lines of cocaine and can’t get hard.

Let’s get started with the jokes. These are in no particular order so don’t skip any.

1. A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the man. “Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor. “But I need it really bad,” said the man. “Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor. The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.” The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.” On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, “What happened to you?” The man said, “No one showed up.”

2. Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you’re up all night.

3. An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, “OK, but do you realize they won’t be as effective?” The old man says, “Listen sonny, I’m 80 years old. I don’t want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”

4. Q: What are the two main ingredients in Viagra? A: Miracle Gro & Fix-a-flat!

5. What happens when you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time? Just ask Don King.

6. Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? Apparently they make you look hard

7. Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, “Oh, Oh Henry!”

8. Why has Viagra been a big boon to comedians? Because it helps them stand up

9. How did the first man die from using Viagra? The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.

10. Whats the generic form of Viagra? Mycoxaflopin.

11. A man goes into the chemist and asks for some viagra. ‘Have you got a prescription,’ the chemist asks him. ‘No, but will a picture of my wife do?’ the man says.

12. A crate load of Viagra has been stolen from a distribution depot, police are looking for hardened criminals.

13. A man and his wife went to the chemist to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price, the man was astonished – but his wife had a different opinion – “Oh, $40 a year ain’t too bad”.

14. And did you hear about the man who spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he’s hard up.

15. Are you taking Viagra, or are you just happy to see me?

16. Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra?
A man took twelve pills and his wife died.

17. Did you hear about the man that died from taking Viagra?
It was terrible; they buried him in an open casket.

18. Did you hear about the new Viagra computer virus?
It turns your floppy disk into a hard drive.

19. Do you know the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
The Catholic wife tells her husband to buy Viagra. The Jewish wife tells her husband to buy Pfizer.

20. For years the medical profession has been looking after the ill, to make them better.
Now, with Viagra, they’re raising the dead!

21. If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use?
A growth chart.

22. If you’re depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional.
If that doesn’t work, see a doctor!

23. It’s been revealed that criminals who steal Viagra will face stiff penalties.

24. Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, “Give him two Viagra.” Nurse asks, “Do you think that will help?” Dr replies, “No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!”

25. A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. “How come you are sweating?” he asks. The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”

26. A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.” The stranger says, “How about 20?” The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.” The stranger says, “How about 10?” The Egyptian man says, “No, not worth it.” The stranger says, “Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they’re not worth it?” The Egyptian man says, “Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn’t.”

27. Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

28. Why couldn’t they get the dead mans casket lid shut? Because he overdosed on viagra.

29. Why shouldn’t single men use Viagra? “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”

30. Why shouldn’t you mix prune juice and viagra. You won’t know if your coming or going.

31. Why do nursing homes give their male patients Viagra? To keep them from rolling out of bed.

If you loved these jokes please feel free to share them with your friends and family.